Category Archives: Blog

Today Walljm.com is Officially Ten Years Old….

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I have photo galleries that back to Jan 2001, as walljm.com was a personal site before it was a weblog, but the first post as a blog was Feb 15th, 2002.  I started writing just after graduating college.  Heady days back then, when the blogging community was so small it numbered in the hundreds, and you could track the new posts written on a daily basis on a single page.

I’ve grown a lot on this blog, as a writer, a photographer and an individual, slowly loosing juvenile tendencies, slowly getting better as an artist, slowly growing more discerning.  This website has my very first poem, and some of the first photographs I took with my first SLR (a Pentax ZXM film camera).  I’ve been less prolific than some, wondering at times why I had a blog and what I was going to use it for.  I’ve been on hiatus three times, I think, the last time for 3 years in which I moved from Saint Louis to DC.  But I’m glad I’ve kept with it.

Along the way I became friends with Jenn, Daniel, Paulo, Sarah, Ash, Amber, Irene, Wyclif, and many more…

At some point, maybe I’ll do a retrospective of the best posts of walljm.com. But I’ve got work to do now, so thanks to everyone who ever stopped by, and happy birthday to me. :)

Hey All, I’m Back!

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I’ve been offline here at walljm.com for nearly three years.  In that time I’ve moved away from Saint Louis, settled in near Washington, DC, changed jobs (but not companies), and gone back to school (lets give it up for cdia!).

So a few things have changed around here.  For the first time, walljm.com is no longer being run by the custom cms I built in college, and is instead running on the nifty wordpress platform.  Truth is, I just got tired of doing my own support.   Things are still a little rough, and hopefully as time goes by, I will tweak things and it will start to feel more like home.

In the mean time there will be fresh content.  I have about 180+ pieces of poetry to put up, and I want to post the occasional photo story and/or single image as well as the odd long/short form piece when the mood strikes.  Look for a new poem every week, probably on mondays, unless I decide I like a different day of the week better.

Semantics: Evolution

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It occurs to me that the word Evolution is often used in contexts that it does not strictly describe. This is because the word Evolution carries with it so many broad connotations.

For instance, in a recent excerpt by Jason Kottke on Altruism in Economics the author of an article in Ode Magazine writes this

The theory is based on the premise that humans evolved in small groups with strong social contracts and plenty of contact with strangers. Cooperation within the tribe was advantageous so long as free riders were punished. It was also the best gambit on encountering strangers. Cooperation, particularly in times of famine, was the only means of survival, so altruism became a favored evolutionary trait.

(emphasis mine)

What strikes me about the use of the word evolutionary in the last statement is how its not exactly untrue, even in a creationist viewpoint. This happens all the time when scientist appeal to evolutionary theory to explain observed behaviors in people. It is entirely possible that a created humanity learned the use of altruism as a necessity in certain situations. That humanity is adaptable isn’t in question. The use of the word evolution here can be seen as descriptive of the situation, but because of the broad connotations, it implies cause that hasn’t been demonstrated.

I have become increasingly more and more frustrated with the act of trying to stretch or make something mean more than it really does, and i recognize that i am probably as guilty as anyone of such offenses. But it would be nice if we were more careful about making assumptions, or trying to make an observation mean more than it does…

oops… that just became a screed. err… sorry.

 

It Is Not Certain That All Is Uncertain

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Lately I’ve had a lot to say. Quite paradoxically, this means I’ve spoken less. Words, like many things in life, need context to have meaning. That context doesn’t end with its typographic neighbors, but extends to the time of day, the place, the number and particulars of the persons to whom they are given. Words are a gift. For some, a precious and finite resource, saved up to be given at times most appropriate.

I was thinking about introversion today, among other things, and as is my want, my thoughts turned inward. It seems, for good or ill, my self is the dominant subject of my mind. My thoughts on introversion, sparked by an article on said subject, raised a thought I’d thought before, mainly that, though I identify very much with the introvert, I’m not fully one. On a scale, I seem to be to the side of center. Such thinking devolved. It usually does.

I find myself fascinated with neuroscience and psychology. This fascination is new, or at least, relatively new. It occurs to me that it grows out of a long standing and persistent need to be in action who I see myself in thought, the constant tension between idealism and practice, and the … frustrations of not having control over my own self.

Neuroscience, it seems, reveals a persistent bias, long suspected. We are paradoxical. Perceptions, the product of our senses, are filtered, adjusted, stitched together and modified for our own consumption. We take shortcuts. And often, we lie to our own selves. We feel certain about things that are false. Often. Yes, it does happen. And I can’t help but wonder how, with all the false information, and all the flawed perception, it is possible to know anything with any certainty at all. Pascal summed it up best I think, for he said, “It is not certain that all is uncertain”.

I used to hate to end a poem on a low note. They always felt incomplete, unfinished. Somehow there had to be a way to resolve the tension. For all the lack of understanding there is in this world, there seems to be a very real need for harmony, a way to take the disparate parts of our soul and impart meaning.

I still hate to end a piece on a low note. Somehow it feels like giving up. There is vital part of myself that refuses to give up hope for the resolve, that fantastic and satisfying moment in a symphony which has been building, back and forth, never quite reaching the tonic, and finally coming to a close, takes all the disparate themes, the discordant notes, the unsatisfying moments along the way and ties them up, settling once and for all the whole of the matter.

Well… that’s all for now I think.

Presidential Memorandum: the Mexico City Policy

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Mexico City Policy – Voluntary Population Planning

What it does: "The Foreign Assistance Act of 1961 (22 U.S.C. 2151b(f)(1)), prohibits nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) that receive Federal funds from using those funds "to pay for the performance of abortions as a method of family planning, or to motivate or coerce any person to practice abortions." The August 1984 announcement by President Reagan of what has become known as the "Mexico City Policy" directed the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) to expand this limitation and withhold USAID funds from NGOs that use non-USAID funds to engage in a wide range of activities, including providing advice, counseling, or information regarding abortion, or lobbying a foreign government to legalize or make abortion available."

What Obama Said:"These excessively broad conditions on grants and assistance awards are unwarranted. Moreover, they have undermined efforts to promote safe and effective voluntary family planning programs in foreign nations. Accordingly, I hereby revoke…"

So now my tax dollars are being used to pay for and promote the practice of abortion in foreign countries. *awesome*. 

Photo Analysis: Along the Tracks

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Along the Tracks by Chromasia.

You use this HDR technique a lot, and it adds a surreal quality to the images. In this case, I like the subtly. I prefer it in fact, to the the image you posted a few days ago, of the church interior.

I’ve always been fond of the desaturated color palate. It conveys a feelings of bleakness, and if you aren’t a bright person by nature, that studied lack of pretension (is use pretense lightly, i’m not sure its exactly the word i’m looking for) is soothing.

Compositionally i like the use of leading lines. Looking out into eternity adds to the restful nature of the photo. It also adds a bit of mystery. Where do the tracks lead? The subject itself taps into the cache of trains and brings to mind a bit of nostalgia, emphasized, I think, by the desaturated color palate.

I’ve been thinking about the idea of contrast in composition lately, and this photos use of it is interesting. In some ways, because of the use of HDR, there is less contrast over all in the dynamic range. HDR compresses the extreme ends, and this photo in particular has flat elements to its color.

on the other hand, you brought out contrast in color, in order to emphasize the texture of the tracks and railroad ties.

I noticed the HDR gradient effect, where in the texture of the tracks, it almost looks like a mask of clouds was added. That gives the photo as a whole a slightly dirty look, like it has been abused, which lends itself to the photo along side the overgrown nature of the scene.

Overall I see abandonment, nostalgia, and a touch of wanderlust all cast in a sense of heightened drama.

Very nice. :)

 

Notes and musings on photography taken during a recent workshop…

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Everything communicates something

Start with what you want to say, start with the story.
Know where you are going. (what’s your destination)

You are answering the question WHY. Why is the photo important. How am I going to use it. What am I trying to say.

Knowing how you’ll use it is important, partially because the end product may introduce constraints such as aspect ratio, resolution, etc…

When thinking about the why, ask yourself, what compositional elements do I need to tell that story.

Consider not just your own perspective, but consider the perspective of your intended audience. Consider the cultural context you will be communicating in.

Powerful images eliminate distractions.

Re: portraiture, know your subjects personality. Find ways to draw that personality out to say what you want to say.

Emphasize what is.

Art is about drawing attention to specific elements in life and the world around us. We use all sorts of techniques to warp what is seen to add emphasis to the parts we think are important. Boring photos emphasize nothing.

All images are relational, by which we mean, we relate the subject matter of the image. You, as the artist, define that relationship and manipulate it, in order to create in the audience an emotion.

Elements of composition

Dimension
– Texture
– DOF
– Foreground/Background
– Shadow (directionality of light)
– Rim lighting
– Size of subject

Perspective
– Shooting down,
– Shooting up, Shooting at subjects level,
– Profile,
– Mug shot, etc…

Balance (deliberate use or disuse)
– rule of thirds
– symmetry

Time/Timing
– Progression (DOF, repetition with slight changes)
– Freeze frames
– Repetition
– Blur

Leading Lines

Contrast
– light/dark (more contrast adds impact. The faster you go from light to dark in a gradient the more rich a photo will appear.) (see the concept of compression as it relates to dynamic range, similar to the way an audio engineer will use compression)
– anachronism (using two objects that don’t fit together – wrong time periods, opposing ideas [short/tall, thin/fat]- to emphasize the differences between the two.)

Know when to edit. Not all photos should be kept.
– Is the photo deceptive, unflattering?
– Quantity doesn’t mean quality.

Be familiar with moods/emotions. Be able to recognize them quickly, know how to work with each emotion.

Basic compositions for portraits:
– face
– head/shoulders
– waist up
– full profile

almost anything else is awkward.

 

Misperception, Bush, politics and the press.

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With a post title like above, you probably expect a long article. But i’m not a voluminous writer. Over the past several years one of the things I’ve seen over and over again, both in the news, and in my personal life, is that our perception of the world is rarely complete. We just don’t see the whole picture, and that happens not just occasionally, but most of the time.

Too see a situation for what it really is, wholly, is rare. very rare.

I cite this article about impressions of Bush as an example.  

Take Note

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Lose-Lose on Abortion: Obama’s threat to Catholic hospitals and their very serious counterthreat.

If the Freedom of Choice Act passes Congress, and that’s a big if, Obama has promised to sign it the second it hits his desk. (Here he is at a Planned Parenthood Action Fund event in 2007, vowing, “The first thing I’d do as president is, is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. That’s the first thing I’d do.”) Though it’s often referred to as a mere codification of Roe, FOCA, as currently drafted, actually goes well beyond that: According to the Senate sponsor of the bill, Barbara Boxer, in a statement on her Web site, FOCA would nullify all existing laws and regulations that limit abortion in any way, up to the time of fetal viability. Laws requiring parental notification and informed consent would be tossed out. While there is strenuous debate among legal experts on the matter, many believe the act would invalidate the freedom-of-conscience laws on the books in 46 states. These are the laws that allow Catholic hospitals and health providers that receive public funds through Medicaid and Medicare to opt out of performing abortions. Without public funds, these health centers couldn’t stay open; if forced to do abortions, they would sooner close their doors. Even the prospect of selling the institutions to other providers wouldn’t be an option, the bishops have said, because that would constitute “material cooperation with an intrinsic evil.”

 

Some Things I’d Like to Say

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1) Perception is flawed. To believe otherwise is to open yourself up to deception.

2) We rarely have all the facts.

3) Until the law came, there was no sin.

4) Hope in anything except Christ is false hope.

5) I’ve become a very very jaded man.

6) I predicted Barack Obama would become the next President of the United States 2 years ago, before he declared he was running. Because people underestimate the power of words, and a silver tongue is more valuable than gold in politics.

7) I hope, very much, that Barack Obama’s decisions in the White House do not result in more freedom for women to murder their unborn children.

8) Its never good when the legislative and executive branch are controlled by the same party.

9) Its never good when the Senate and House have clear majorities on the same side.

10) Republicans and Democrats can’t be trusted.

11) We rarely have all the facts.

12) People lie, exaggerate, gloss over, and leave out information. Its not really done on purpose.

I thinks that’s everything. For now. 

I just don’t have the words…

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Public Discourse – Obama’s Abortion Extremism, by Robert George is a great article, articulating much better than I ever could, why voting for Obama for President is a patently unwise action to take if you wish to preserve the sanctity of human life. Below is a quote from the last paragraph, but please take the time to read the full article, which documents where Obama, by his actions, stands.

What kind of America do we want our beloved nation to be? Barack Obama’s America is one in which being human just isn’t enough to warrant care and protection. It is an America where the unborn may legitimately be killed without legal restriction, even by the grisly practice of partial-birth abortion. It is an America where a baby who survives abortion is not even entitled to comfort care as she dies on a stainless steel table or in a soiled linen bin. It is a nation in which some members of the human family are regarded as inferior and others superior in fundamental dignity and rights. In Obama’s America, public policy would make a mockery of the great constitutional principle of the equal protection of the law. In perhaps the most telling comment made by any candidate in either party in this election year, Senator Obama, when asked by Rick Warren when a baby gets human rights, replied: "that question is above my pay grade." It was a profoundly disingenuous answer: For even at a state senator’s pay grade, Obama presumed to answer that question with blind certainty. His unspoken answer then, as now, is chilling: human beings have no rights until infancy – and if they are unwanted survivors of attempted abortions, not even then.

 

The Long Winter

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Its going to be a long winter. well. maybe it won’t, but right now, in the middle of the season I love best, I’m beginning to feel the dread of a long winter.

I wish I understood how I felt. I’m not usually short on words to describe my feeling, being the kind of rare individual who spends more time than is possibly healthy examining his own soul. Its a complex knot.

There are a number of issues I’m currently feeling strongly over. So I’m going to list them here:

1) Two of my best friends are going through difficult times right now. A lot has changed for them in the last year. They’ve grown in huge ways spiritually and when that kind of growth happens, its usually because of hard hard circumstances emotionally and physically. I’ve watched from a distance while they have walked though it, and I haven’t said much. I frequently don’t say much. Its a fault of mine, not wanting to tread lightly on matters I feel are tremendously serious. Their circumstances remind me of what a member of my family had to go through, and I hope they know that this kind of tempering is something to cherish. Its far far worse to be comfortable, because comfort changes little. I hope they know that I am praying for them, that even if I don’t speak up often, they are frequently on my mind.

2) Speaking of comfort, that’s where I am. The last year had been a period of growth for me. Rich growth. Areas of my life that God had been quietly teaching me about had underwent maturing, and there were exciting things happening. I had grown accustomed to the rich emotional content of it all. Then, in the last two months, things settled down to the generic rhythm of life I’ve had for the last 6 years. And I miss desperately the feeling that God is up to something. Right now I feel unable to stand, unable to grasp His promises. Everything is colored by this feeling I can’t shake that nothing matters. I have brief moments of joy, but they don’t last.

It isn’t that I believe God isn’t going to do something great. But right now, I can’t see any farther than the next work day. Few of the things I know to be good in my life are generating the kind of excitement I’m craving, and I’m feeling, in general, emotionless.

Its hard to trust when you can’t see anything but gray skies ahead. Its easier to deal with the discomfort now if you know something better is coming, but the disconcerting emptiness ahead is sucking the life out of me.

3) This election cycle has been particularly frustrating. Its like watching a train wreck happen, slowly, knowing things are going to crash and being unable to stop it.

Politicians lie. This is a fundamental truth. Its sad, but true, of the populace (i include myself in this) that we care more about image than substance. This election is as much or more a popularity content than it is a vetting of qualified candidates for the highest office of the United States. Watching the candidates is like watching high schoolers and their juvenile posturing. Its depressing.

It has been particularly frustrating to me to see good friends, christian friends, embrace the marketing. I’ll say it openly. Obama is not a friend to Christians. Not politically. For all his talk, he is the same old liberal agenda, with the one exception that he is much much better at speaking than any other liberal for a long time.

He has a silver tongue and because most people tend to base their decisions on the thin substance of speeches and words (which are worth less on election day than a junkies promises) he has gained quite the religious following. He sells hope, preaching a peculiar kind or secular religion. But unlike Christianity, whose hope is grounded firmly on the Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, Obama stands mostly on little else than his ability to make a tired agenda look sweet and appealing.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think he’s the antichrist. I don’t think he’s a terrorist. I don’t really buy into the conspiracies or the hype McCain’s campaign or the well and not so well meaning supporters of McCain send out. But Obama, regardless of how he chooses to spin it, and I trust nothing a candidate says while running for office, votes pro choice, believes that the government should be more involved in our personal lives, and thinks the government should be the agent in this country for giving of one mans wealth to another.

In the end, no matter how nuanced and careful or thoughtful he might appear to be, he chooses to deny the rights of millions of innocents. A man who can turn his back on those most in need of his help, is a man I don’t trust. He can say he cares, but really, how much are words really worth?

I realize this screed isn’t exhaustive. I simply don’t have time to spend days compiling a dissertation and trying to tease out the truth of hundreds of pages and hours of talk by the candidate to proffer you unequivocal proof. And that frustrates me too.

The next two presidents of the united states will be in office for a total of 8 years. 8 Years. But far more important than that are the 2-3 supreme court justices those two presidents will appoint. Justices who will be in office for 30 years. I cannot understate the importance of this. I am not happy with McCain. But he has consistently, over 30 years, voted pro life. He is our best chance of getting conservative justices appointed. Justices who will defend the constitutional right of the unborn to live, who will stand against the erosion of states rights. Long after the war and the economy are over, those judges will be making an impact.

I could go on and on about this, but will spare you the repetition

For all my frustration, I want my christian friends who disagree with me, and even my non christian friends to know that I do not take this as cause to change how I feel about them. I’m not going to castigate you for not agreeing with me. Even if you are wrong wrong wrong. ;)

There was I think, another thing going on. But I can’t remember it. Another time perhaps.

 

On Song Leading

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These are some notes I wanted to get on paper, as a way to remind myself of things to remember. Thoughts and conclusions I’ve come to from leading music at my church for the last 6 years.

  1. First and foremost, understand that your job is not to train, it is to minister.
  2. The congregation isn’t a choir. Your job isn’t to train them to sing well, or to teach them technical aspects of music. It is to lead them to worship and praise by example and entreaty.
  3. Ask, never tell.
  4. Repeat the song # at least twice, preferably 3 times. Once to begin, and again after a small pause. Most people, if they don’t hear the first one its because of a distraction. They’ll need a little time to allow the distraction to pass before hearing it again.
  5. Avoid too much introduction and talking during the service. Its ok, even beneficial to give some introduction, or to occasionally remark on an observation,
    but your primary purpose isn’t to preach, it is to lead in music.
  6. If you are going to try something different, explain first what you are going to do, and offer the reason why. Its good for the congregation to understand the purpose, making it feel less like they are being manipulated, and making it easier to follow your lead.
  7. When doing something new, take the attitude that you are going and here is why, not they should go here and this is the reason why. Lead don’t command.
  8. The Pianist will follow your hand if you are reliable. The congregation follows the piano mostly, but cue’s more from your body language than your hand. So be obvious and sure about when you start and when you stop. Feel free to exaggerate your body language a little. (e.g. take an exaggerated breath before starting a verse.)
  9. Be aware of the context of the church, where its going, what the emphasis is, the season, the holidays, the tenor of the pastors messages. These things will feed the direction of the music, not always directly, but indirectly. Watch the pastor. He is who God will lead the church through, so cue from him.
  10. Sometimes its good to be playful. :)
  11. Even if you don’t feel it, try to convey that you are happy to there. This doesn’t always mean you have a huge smile of your face, but it does mean conveying how much you value and honor the privilege to serve them in this manner. Because to lead in worship is a great privilege.
  12. Be sensitive to God’s direction and leading. Pray before picking out the music, ask God to guide your heart and mind to pick out the music He want’s be sung that day.
  13. Humble yourself. Be aware that you are being used. as a servant. That the congregation is whats important. that God is the focus. This isn’t an opportunity to demonstrate your chops in music, its a chance to use your talents to glorify God and help others do so by example.

 

Dear Joan

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You emailed me asking if you could use a poem of mine in a story you were writing. I wanted to let you know I would be delighted. But your email address came back, and I can’t contact you. Please send me another email so we can get in touch. :)

Best Regards,
Jason 

Sarah Palin, Barack Obama, Politics, Religion, Feminism and Infaticide

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Lore linked to an article on the current Brouhaha raging over Sarah Palin. Reading it I couldn’t help but agree with much of what author Camille Paglia writes. But it wasn’t until the end that I nearly stopped dead in my tracks.

She writes,

Let’s take the issue of abortion rights, of which I am a firm supporter. As an atheist and libertarian, I believe that government must stay completely out of the sphere of personal choice. Every individual has an absolute right to control his or her body.

…

But the pro-life position, whether or not it is based on religious orthodoxy, is more ethically highly evolved than my own tenet of unconstrained access to abortion on demand. My argument (as in my first book, “Sexual Personae,”) has always been that nature has a master plan pushing every species toward procreation and that it is our right and even obligation as rational human beings to defy nature’s fascism. Nature herself is a mass murderer, making casual, cruel experiments and condemning 10,000 to die so that one more fit will live and thrive.

Hence I have always frankly admitted that abortion is murder, the extermination of the powerless by the powerful. Liberals for the most part have shrunk from facing the ethical consequences of their embrace of abortion, which results in the annihilation of concrete individuals and not just clumps of insensate tissue. The state in my view has no authority whatever to intervene in the biological processes of any woman’s body, which nature has implanted there before birth and hence before that woman’s entrance into society and citizenship.

Emphasis mine.

Its shocking. And I can literally not wrap my mind around how someone can freely admit that abortion is indeed murder, the “extermination of the powerless by the powerful” and then fiercely defend her right to do just that, or in her own word, her right to “unconstrained access to abortion on demand”.

*sigh*

She did make some astute observations. Note the following:

Over the Labor Day weekend, with most of the big enchiladas of the major media on vacation, the vacuum was filled with a hallucinatory hurricane in the leftist blogosphere, which unleashed a grotesquely lurid series of allegations, fantasies, half-truths and outright lies about Palin. What a tacky low in American politics — which has already caused a backlash that could damage Obama’s campaign. When liberals come off as childish, raving loonies, the right wing gains. I am still waiting for substantive evidence that Sarah Palin is a dangerous extremist. I am perfectly willing to be convinced, but right now, she seems to be merely an optimistic pragmatist like Ronald Reagan, someone who pays lip service to religious piety without being in the least wedded to it. I don’t see her arrival as portending the end of civil liberties or life as we know it.

She notes, and I agree, that the same tactics have been used on Obama. Sometimes I just wish people would refrain from hysterical and grossly ignorant gossip that frequently flies willy nilly through the media (all forms, mainstream and private [blogs, i'm looking at you]) during the political seasons. I take that back. Not sometimes, all the time. But that’s an absurd request. You can’t expect grown adults to behave maturely. History teaches us that.

It is nice to see Palin’s star on the rise, and its true her media splash has all but eclipsed Obama. Which is good, because campaigns are won and lost on media coverage, a sad affair, but true. Words need not be true to be effective, and the vast portion of information delivered to us by the “media” is misleading at best and false at worst.

Oh well. Lord come quickly…

 

I’m Sorry.

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Oops. I was trying to get something working and accidently deleted everything in my DB folder. which means all the posts posted after Aug 8th are missing. *sigh* not all that bad considering i had only posted one post and i can get that from my google reader archive. but it also means i have to restore all the photos i posted last night… gah. so um. bummer.