My God, my God, He cried
As He suffered alone, dying
On a cross, a broken tree
Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani
Forsaken, for love, for me  

the scent of spring was on the air this morning
breathing deep a sigh after the rain
white blossoms on the dogwood are breaking
and the indigo tinge of magnolias
signal the last breath of winter 

i am a song written in minor key
the rise and fall, the dance beside the deep
the melancholy surge, the tantalizing leap
the bright and bittersweet relation
a life of rhyme and reason
 

For the last two years I've been carrying a steel bar in my chest. It looked like this:



Last friday, I had it removed. It was the last step in the Nuss Procudure. Having had two years for the bones and cartilage of my rib cage to set in the new position, the bar was no longer necessary.

Here are some thoughts. The incisions hurt far far less than the broken bones. Recovery this time around has been orders of magnitude less difficult. Like last year, I have a cough during this process. I don't recommend getting sick before your surgery.

Between the two incisions and the cough, I've been more tired than usual. You don't realize how much work your body is doing just repairing itself.

If you're interested in more about this procedure, I've written several posts a couple years ago detailing the process. you can find those posts here: Pop Goes the Sternum! or How I Had My Pectus Excavatum Corrected, the Aftermath.

In other news:

My life has been a complicated and tangled mass of stuff lately. I'd like to tell you all about it, but I can't. Lets suffice it to say that if I appear distracted, its not you. I've just had a lot on my mind. Work has been busy, Church has been busy, and my Life has been busy (photography business, surgery, etc...).

I feel rather emotionally raw.

I've lost sleep. I've watched more tv/movies than is good for any normal human being. I've written moody poetry, some of which I actually like. I've seen God do amazing things. And last night, I cried three times watching Amistad. Take of that what you will.

 

I've had Grace on my mind. Its Jonathan's fault really. He got me talking about Les Miserables, and that started me thinking about the rich imagery portrayed in the play, how Jean Valjean and Javier so epitomize the difference between the Covenant of the Law and the Covenant of Grace.

Sometimes... When i think about it. I get that feeling. you know the one? I have to stop what i'm doing, and pause for a moment. Because my eyes start to get warm, and emotion wells up from my stomach in a rush. Because Grace is that powerful. Its so rich.

I wish I was better at explaining it to people. I think about my own life, and consider my failures. Because there are so many. A world full of sinners, and a God so holy even the smallest mistake is enough to render us unworthy to even be in His presence. And I consider a love so deep, His love, that it wasn't enough just to let us fall away, punished righteously. He created me, knowing I would fail, and then gave up His own life for me.

Valjean was a man beaten by the law. you can't win against it. Its harsh, unyielding and it doesn't matter why you did what you did. The law doesn't care. The law doesn't forgive. The law has no mercy. The law made Valjean bitter, and though he was a prisoner for stealing bread to feed his starving family, he served 20 years.

But Grace. Grace cares. It cares more for you than it does for itself. The Law made Valjean a thief, stealing silver from the one man who had shown him kindness. And that man, a man who understood Grace, being wronged, did not just forgive, but gave of himself beyond anything that could be required. An act inexplicable really. Grace is inexplicable. Grace extends mercy when mercy doesn't make sense. Grace loves the loveless. Grace will take a man who is bitter, angry, and broken, and make him like itself. Grace made Valjean an honest man, a man who would sacrifice himself on the behalf of others. A man who would know love, who would extend mercy to his greatest enemy, and who would give his life in exchange for the happiness of those he cared about.

And that Grace. It has been extended to us. to me. to you.