but unlike
Lore I adore Fall. By many lengths it is my favorite season, the crisp air and clear skies as the temperature drops and pulls the haze out of the sky and lets you see for miles. Many tout the rich vibrant colors, reds and oranges, earthy browns in great flourishes of classical elegance, a final bow before the desolation of winter. But for me, it is the smells and the cool touch of the wind on my face, and air that seems to have more oxygen in it than other times.
I like culminations, the golden times. In stories, it is the ending I want, and in movies I live for that moment when the protagonist triumphs over what seemed were overwhelming odds. That time when the task is complete, when fruits appear, and worries and fears of failure are permanently laid to rest. This reveals in me a character flaw. I am too proud to let go of my own desires and simply enjoy the benefits of the now.
I do not trust easily. That isn't to say that I'm easily bothered. I'm a rare example of one whose temperament is nigh unassailable. But I accomplish this mostly by refusing to care, because its easier to not care than to trust.
I have been reminded lately of His love for me. I have been reminded also that life, this life, is very unimportant. That desiring the "good life" is worth little when compared to the life we'll live eternally. It should be simple to do the math, so accept that pursuit of anything outside of God's will, of anything that isn't what He commanded is of little value.
Being reminded, of course, is not the same as accepting, and I cling to the narrower view, caught up in my wants. I have a short memory it seams, and most things pass, if you let them.
Still, I yearn for the Fall. Its comforting. A warm blanket. It reminds my emotions of that idea of home, where you feel safe. It wakes in me the longing for the beautiful and the romantic, a soft muse whispering to my inner poet. A time for reflection, and even genuflection. And perhaps, this year I wont forget so easily, and the reminders of His presence, elements that feel like personal notes, just for me, will sink in deeper as the cool wind blows.
