But its a strange I like. Mostly the style of her words makes me contemplative, and helps me get in touch with that emotional aspect of myself that is most creative. Its like she is thinking out loud, only in crisp well thought out sentences. It feels natural, and makes you feel like you are somehow best friends, though you’ve never met and have only actually conversed on two, perhaps three occasions.
A part of me is dead
departed, flat separated,
And something new
An iron clad declaration
An act of inspiration
An act of love
Has set me free
I am crucified, revived,
Imbibed with a truth
I am made new
I am set free
I am redeemed
I’ve been busy, and I’ve been negligent of certain responsibilities. I understand the need to converse regularly with you, those who stop by to see if anything has changed, but other things vie for my attention. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be motivated enough, efficient enough to do everything I desire. Hmph. Well, perhaps.
My vacation a couple weeks ago, for those whom I have yet to speak to, was good. It was especially good to see cousins I hadn’t seen for 15 years or more. It was odd, not in a bad way, but strange because it happens infrequently, to see them grown up, married with kids. To watch them interact with their daughters and spouses. It was really good to find out what has been going on in their lives, and to reacquaint myself with who they were and what they had become. Familiar faces who were no longer the people who I knew as a child, and seen through eyes that were no longer childish. In some ways it was like I was meeting some for the first time, people I really didn’t know, but with whom I shared a bond with. All in all, it was a lovely time.
I also, while I was in Michigan, had the chance to meet some of my fathers old college friends. My parents don’t talk much about their earlier years, though I have heard stories at different times. It was fun to watch my dad interact, to be so familiar with people I had never met. Its strange (though it shouldn’t be really) to see my father as someone outside of the image I had built of him as his son. It was also fun to realize that my dad was the kind of guy I would have hung out with in college. I see more clearly parts of myself that are like him.
It was also fun to meet his friends, friends he had known in his youth. Its funny. I think my parents have few friends who they are completely themselves around. Watching my dad around those people brought out a side of him I only usually see when its just our family. It made these people seem close to me, even though I barely knew them.
In other areas of my life, work has been a bit tumultuous. I’ve been dropped into a situation that is confused, stressed and fraught with risk. I find myself not much liking my options or what is being asked of me. It distracts me and prevents me from really concentrating on anything else when I’m at home. I don’t like stress. I don’t like uncertainty, especially when I didn’t volunteer for it. But I suppose it is these times that God uses to build character. Nothing improves in life without an accompanying kind of pain. It is the inheritance of Adam and the curse he left all his children.
I’ll close with a short telling of my weekend, which was spent in a state of nervous anxiety. My hard drive, the one i keep all my photos on, crashed on Friday afternoon. I usually keep a backup off site, but murphy being who he is, this week i had wiped my secondary backup to use as storage while on vacation. The truly horrifying part was that Naomi’s engagement photos had been lost, and I had not yet filled her order. It was a truly sickening feeling, as i watched the files and directories turn into meaningless dots and squibles. This story has a happy ending though, and I emerge wiser. Using several file recover programs, and finally settling on GetDataBack, i was able to recover most if not all the photos i lost, and all of Naomi’s photos, which were sent off to the lab yesterday. Truly, God was gracious to me. Now, i will have to formulate a more robust plan for data backup. I don’t ever want to have to go through that again.
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